he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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