Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
