You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
