Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
