I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
