**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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