Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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