what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
