i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
