Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
