You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
