It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
