there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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