So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
