I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
