Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
