Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
