I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
