whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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