I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
