i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
