At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
