Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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