Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
