So drunk its hurt
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
