He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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