from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
