I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
