And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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