Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
