Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
