That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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