he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
