My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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