I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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