He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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