It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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