im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
