New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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