sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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