yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
