i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
