it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
