how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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