if you like me you must not know who I am
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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