There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
