Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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