i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
