My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
