Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Even my vagina gasped.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
