I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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